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I have a really good job (that happens to be at the same place as him) but I can get another job if needed. I love him with all of my heart but I don't need him! I decided to work on ME! Get ME healthy. But you know what, I woke up and realized that the only person in this world that I need to make happy is myself!! I know that I can live without him. I used to knock myself out to make him happy. I actually was afraid to confront my husband about my suspicions because I was afraid he would get mad at me for not trusting him!!! Even though I was making myself sick. I hit rock bottom because I thought I had a fairy tale romance and everyone was jealous of my marriage.
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I have ended up with GERD(severe heartburn, chest pain and nausea) and an anxiety disorder over dealing with my husband's problem. Whoa! You sound like me about a year ago. What the heck does this drug make you feel? Is a year clean going to do it? 5?10?15? do I have to spend the rest of my life wondering is today the day he loses it? He goes to group therapy every night and to NA meetings.
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I know that for my own survivial I will have to toss him if he goes and uses again. People are reaching out to me to help but I cannot seem to see the truth. My health is failing and I can't seem to get a grip.I have quit my job and just want to hide. We were living the white picket fence dream.Now I am so shaken I can hardly function. This guy was a scout leader and youth counselor educated and OLD!. He seems to love the crack more than me and the kids. does it make you do things you wouldn't otherwise? like wild sex? does it make you happy and quiet in a corner? put on a lampshade and dance? If it is so wonderful why is it like hell then? Because you can't stop? The down is terrible? Because it is illegal? My husband and I really can't talk about it cause I am still not able to remain calm when he talks about it. As a non-addict what exactly does smoking crack do to you? How can it make you give up everything? My husband says it is like "Euphoria". This board has been a helpful insight for me into a world I didn't ask to be brought into but my husband forced me to see.